Once upon a time there was a young postpartum girl who had only been postpartum for about 5 months when she found out she was pregnant again.
That girl was ME.
I had always dreamed about having 3 kids, well actually 4 (that was before I even had 1 kid) but never did I plan or imagine having 2 so close together in age.
At the time, I had a 3 year old and a 5 month old baby, and then I found out I was pregnant. Wait? What? Didn’t this just happen?
I kid you not, I took 4 pregnancy test because I was in shock but also because they were dollar store pregnancy test. You know trying to save a few bucks lol! Naturally, I had to be sure so I took four.
All 4 test came back positive. I cried and cried. This wasn’t in my plan. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I am a responsible person. How am I going to do this? I have little to no help. We can’t afford another child. We just outgrew our already tiny 2 bedroom apartment.
These were the thoughts that consumed me.
You see I had a plan. I made a plan to get into the best shape of my life. My husband and I talked about different trips we would like to go on and the new bigger than my sedan (at the time) car we would get.
This did not fit in my plan.
When I would announce my pregnancies to my friends and family. It would usually be in photo form on facebook and my personal instagram. I would conjure up a cute and creative way to tell others that I was pregnant. Here are the first 2.
This time I felt embarrassed, which is so dumb, looking back now. I was afraid of what people would say or think about me having these boys back to back. So I kept it a secret for as long as I could.
The only people that knew for a long while was my family (whom I balled my eyes out to when I told them, I just needed to be held) and about 2 friends. I eventually started to show and couldn’t hide it anymore.
Sadly, I am ashamed to admit, I used to judge people that got pregnant like this. It wasn’t until it happened to me that I began to see it differently. Most of this stemmed from ignorance and self-righteousness. Much like the way I would judge parents before I had kids. So foolish.
I remember telling one specific person, I told her because we was my fitness instructor and I wanted her to keep an eye on me during her class just in case. I mentioned my fears and she told me this, paraphrasing, ‘God has given you the ability to care for this baby, even though it seems impossible right now and looks like more than you can bear. He is with you and knows you have what it takes to raise this baby right now.’
It had me in tears. It was just what I needed to hear and exactly the opposite of how I felt.
In so many ways she was right. I had that baby and he has brought so much joy to my life! He is the sweetest little boy! He is so cuddly too.
Was it hard?
Yes! It was so hard. I honestly don’t know how I made it through that time, but by the grace of God I did. Even now almost 3 years later it is still a challenge at times, but God is so good to me.
Fast forward to the time I would have actually considered getting pregnant with my 3rd child. My first born child and my second child are 2 years apart. My second child and third child are 13 months apart. 1 year and 1 month apart. When my second child turned 2 would have been the time that I considered having another child but I remember wanting to wait a little longer to when he turned 3.
My second child turned 3 this past year. Most of my 2018 was spent being sick to my stomach. As you may or may not know, I developed a LOT of food sensitivities. It has taken me a whole year to figure out what I can and cannot eat. It has been a pain in the butt.
With all of this happening in my life, I know for a fact that I would have delayed or not even considered having another baby. It just doesn’t seem possible. Therefore, had I waited for my timing and timeline, this baby may have not ever been born, or at least not until I was 100% better, which I am still not.
Life now.
Well, having 3 boys now 5, 3, and 2 years old, it gets a little loud (all the time) and a lot of messy all the time. It is so much fun seeing how close they all are to each other and how he fits right in with our family. I truly believe he was made for me at this time for whatever the reason is and I wouldn’t change that for the world.
And that advice from the fitness instructor, well she was spot on. Somehow all that I was worried about ended up not being as hard or difficult as I thought it would be. (I lived in a 2 bedroom apartment on the second floor.. yikes!) There were other challenges and times that all four of us were crying for sure, but overall, I found something in myself that I didn’t know that I had.
We ended up moving to a bigger apartment for a year then into a 4 bedroom house a year after that. The car that I wanted would have been way to small for this size of family and ended up with a Yukon instead.
I tell you all of this because I was fortune to have people in my life that told me everything will be okay. I want to be that person for you. If you are walking down a road similar to mine. I want to encourage you. I want you to know that you are brave, strong, and capable of every task that comes before you. Everything will be okay. You can do this.
WE are all in this journey of motherhood together and we need all the support and encouragement we can get. I would love to hear your stories!
XO,
Jenni
